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What I would tell my 14 year old self about love
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YOU GUYS. I am traveling for work and this means tonight I am going to get to sleep through the whole night, uninterrupted, for the first time in...408 days! ⠀ ⠀ I am ecstatic. So naturally, I am sitting in my hotel bed looking at photos of Mr. 408 days himself like a basic, cliche mom missing her bed buddies. ⠀ ⠀ Don’t you worry, though. I’m going to starfish across this mattress soon and it will be gloriiiooous.

These are things I want:⠀ ⠀ To have routines. To create traditions. For a barista to smile at me and say, “your usual?”. To hang a picture frame on a wall. To plant seeds that will grow into things I can eat or put in a vase and tie with a ribbon. To have all of my clothes in one spot. To have an extra room for people who need a place to rest their head. To have a space where I can set up an easel. To paint my front door a color that makes me happy. ⠀ ⠀ Since I graduated from college, I have only had one job that lasted over a year. I have yet to live in one apartment or house for over a year. My life has been in constant transition for over a decade. I’m tired. ⠀ ⠀ And yet…⠀ ⠀ I have this insane calling to be where I am not. ⠀ ⠀ I think it started when I was 16 and stepped foot outside my home continent for the first time. I went to Panama where I slept in hammocks, waking up in pools of my own humid sweat and ate breakfast at a table where chickens picked plantains off my plate. It was like I had been going through my life with one eye shut, completely unaware that my vision was impaired. Then I stepped into a completely foreign world and my other eye fluttered open. And from that point forward, I wanted to experience a visual feast for all of my days. Like, newsflash: there was so much I didn’t know. So much to learn, see, do outside of all I had ever known. I grew afraid of being ignorant. I started reading about what was happening in other places. And then I would go and see for myself, often working with people in the margins. I went to school in Scotland, where I now live, work and raise a child that I fully intend to traipse all over Europe in the two years he flies for free. ⠀ ⠀ Whenever I have faced the idea that I could be in one spot for an indefinite amount of time, my mind starts planning an escape of sorts. In my pursuit of being elsewhere, did I give myself ‘grass is always greener’ syndrome? Have I wired my insides to start itching 12 months past whatever life event or transition just took place? Have I set myself up to be in a constant game of tug-of-war between growing roots and growing wings? These are things I wonder about. #tobecontinued

Baby in repose 🎨

Dean, you’re such a babe.

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Tag: intentional community

Faces of The Des Moines Catholic Worker

taylorvanderwell November 8, 2016

Love, Taylor

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